The Early Bird Catches… A Screaming TSA Agent to the Face

Mornings suck. Like, seriously who enjoys waking up at 5 A.M. on a Monday to be productive? (News flash, no one ever.)

What makes them even worse though, is when they’re AIRPORT mornings and you inevitably start your day with the blaring voice of a menacing 6 '3'' TSA agent tearing through your skull. Suddenly, the somewhat bearable morning that’s being held together by coffee and a breakfast sandwich falls apart at the seams, along with any remaining ounce of sanity once claiming to be yours.

As if you weren’t already filled with anxiety by the thought of shortly ascending 42,000 feet into the air and the possibility of the plane running out of snacks, your fears are brought to an all-time high by the idea of irritable grown men throwing a temper tantrum over items exceeding 3 oz.

Okay, airport security obviously is an important part of a safe traveling experience, but acting as our final safeguard shielding us from the dangers of bottled water and shaving cream certainly does not call for such larger-than-life personalities to be on full display while the rest of us are barely awake.

Let’s not even get started on their infamous speeches that sound more like evacuation notices than a mere warning to move the line along. “Grab your belongings now!” “Let’s go, keep it moving, hurry up!” (x100… goodness, that escalated quickly.)

The worst part of this whole ordeal, if it even can get any worse, is of course the threat of being pulled aside by an agent for a random secondary inspection. At this point, the only thing that’s left to do is cry and hope to catch a new flight tomorrow, as you feel the eyes of all other airport goers all while the items in your luggage abruptly become the next victim of TSA.

But most importantly, have a great rest of your morning! (If the frozen state of shock you’re in wears off before noon.)